Change

Ever since i got back from tamarack, i've been wanting to be different. be happier, deeper, better. I've never been good at the deep, emotional parts of relationships because i've never known what to do. what to say. but now i realize that i don't need to know what to say. sometimes they just need a hug, or someone to listen to them. so i want to try harder; be better at it. i know its not gonna be easy, but i'm giving it a chance. i've never been very trusting of people. and believe me, its not you guys, its me. i'm just afraid. thats it, plain and simple.
so please forgive me if i've ever done something, or not said something i should have. i'm sorry. and if i ever, ever try to shy away from something, tell me. please. i'm begging you. tamarack has given me the boost i needed, and with God's help, i think i can do it. I'm constantly praying that i will have the right words to say, but have never been bold enough to see if He will answer my prayer.
I guess i'll find out soon enough.

Believe and Be Satisfied

I had the most amazing time at tamarack. There is something so awesome about God's children coming together to worship Him. While I was there, I was in a workshop called biblical relationships. You may think it sounds boring, but it was really fascinating. One of the group leaders read a poem and it is now one of my favourites. Its something that we all should keep in mind as we go through life, looking, searching, for the one to spend the rest of our lives with. It is one of the most beautiful poems i've ever read:

Believe and Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

To have a deep soul relationship with another,

Be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to a Christian, says:

I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled, and content With being loved by Me alone

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship With Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,

Will you be capable of the best human relationship that I have planned for you.
I want you to be united with another after you are united with Me

Exclusive of anyone or anything else,

Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing

One that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best

Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me,

Trusting Me

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.

Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait.

That's all.
Don't be anxious.

Don't worry.

Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given them.

Don't look at the things you think you want.

You just keep looking up to Me,

Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready,

I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,

who I am working with this very minute,

as I am working with you,

so to have both of you ready at the same time.

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you,

You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.

And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,

And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

I am God.

Believe and be satisfied.