Bucket List

well.. its been a while.
so for writers craft, in my journal, i've decided to create a bucket list as one of my entries.. you can see how desperate i am :)
so here it is, in no specific order:

- go skydiving
- live in Europe(preferably Holland)
- live waaay out in the country on a big farm
- travel to these places: Fiji, Iceland, Greece, Sweden, Denmark, England, Slovakia.
- learn to surf
- go on a sleigh ride. Exactly how it is in my mind: there are 2 horses with bells, its lightly snowing, i'm sitting beside my husband/boyfriend, going down a deserted road with streetlamps, no tire tracks. Its the perfect setting :)
-go to Ikea on a date. If the opportunity ever comes up, this is what we'll do. I mean, there's even a restaurant :)
- get a huge world map to mark my travels.
oh.. and get married.

so this is my list so far.. they will happen. i'll make them :) yup..
just thought i'd share my ponderings for the evening...

Change

Ever since i got back from tamarack, i've been wanting to be different. be happier, deeper, better. I've never been good at the deep, emotional parts of relationships because i've never known what to do. what to say. but now i realize that i don't need to know what to say. sometimes they just need a hug, or someone to listen to them. so i want to try harder; be better at it. i know its not gonna be easy, but i'm giving it a chance. i've never been very trusting of people. and believe me, its not you guys, its me. i'm just afraid. thats it, plain and simple.
so please forgive me if i've ever done something, or not said something i should have. i'm sorry. and if i ever, ever try to shy away from something, tell me. please. i'm begging you. tamarack has given me the boost i needed, and with God's help, i think i can do it. I'm constantly praying that i will have the right words to say, but have never been bold enough to see if He will answer my prayer.
I guess i'll find out soon enough.

Believe and Be Satisfied

I had the most amazing time at tamarack. There is something so awesome about God's children coming together to worship Him. While I was there, I was in a workshop called biblical relationships. You may think it sounds boring, but it was really fascinating. One of the group leaders read a poem and it is now one of my favourites. Its something that we all should keep in mind as we go through life, looking, searching, for the one to spend the rest of our lives with. It is one of the most beautiful poems i've ever read:

Believe and Be Satisfied

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,

To have a deep soul relationship with another,

Be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to a Christian, says:

I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled, and content With being loved by Me alone

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me

With having an intensely personal and unique relationship With Me alone.

Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,

Will you be capable of the best human relationship that I have planned for you.
I want you to be united with another after you are united with Me

Exclusive of anyone or anything else,

Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,

And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing

One that you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best

Please allow Me to bring it to you.

You just keep watching Me,

Trusting Me

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.

Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait.

That's all.
Don't be anxious.

Don't worry.

Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given them.

Don't look at the things you think you want.

You just keep looking up to Me,

Or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you're ready,

I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of.

You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,

who I am working with this very minute,

as I am working with you,

so to have both of you ready at the same time.

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you,

You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.

And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.

I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,

And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

I am God.

Believe and be satisfied.

Off to Tamarack!

tomorrow starts a new adventure. i'm going off to tamarack with my friends and am gonna have the best week of my life. i can't wait. i've been so busy lately and i haven't had time to process it, but its finally sinking in, and i'm excited. i get to see friends i haven't seen in forever, i get to just hang out for a week, and i get to learn more about God. sometimes i feel so distant from Him, and this is just the thing i need right now.
and i just need to get away. have one more week before reality sets in and school starts. i'm dreading next tuesday; with school comes stress, which comes with frustration, which comes with arguments and bad moods along with all those college application forms :( not looking forward to it. i'll actually have to think about life and who i wanna be.
it scares me.
but for now, i'm just going to enjoy this last week of summer, and have fun.

Saturday: Back in Canada

so, now i'm back.. sadly.. i tried convincing my parents to just "forget" me there, but it didn't really work :P and boy, is it hot here.. not used to it being so humid!! haha

one thing i'm liking though, is that everything on the computer screen is in english again.. before it was all in dutch and i had to guess at what i was pressing. i was actually thankful i spent so much time on the computer :)

the flight back was good.. maybe 5 minutes of turbulance all together. we watched date night, the backup plan and the diary of a wimpy kid.. all movies i haven't seen before, so that was good.. we arrived half an hour early, which i was kind of saddened by because i didn't want the trip to end, but i have to get over it :D

and now i have to unpack.. all of our suitcases were like 22.4-22.9 kilos.. and the max you can have is 23, so we were close..
i'll see you guys all later!!

Friday: Our Last Day :(

our vacation has finally come to an end.. sigh... i've enjoyed every minute of it.. well for the most part. not the getting lost in antwerpen, or the history lessons on the side of the highway, or in the middle of a roundabout... today, we're just taking it easy.. we went for a walk this morning, and went to my mom's cousins bookstore.. said goodbye.. they said they'd see me next year, when i came back(apparently their son Joost told them i was coming. :S) which is gonna happen, so i don't mind :P we'll probably go to the beach this afternoon, because it is gorgeous weather..i think its the best we've had yet.. and the thermometer has now hit 27 degrees.. i think its a first :)
i now know where i want to live.. in noordwijk.. it is a cute little town, with cobblestone roads, the beach, restaurants on the beach, and just enough stores to get what you need.. its everything i want.. before, i wanted to live way out in the country, in a farmhouse.. but i've changed my mind.. this place is perfect.. well except for the cost of houses; that is outrageous. a house, like mine, here, would probably be around 800 000 euro.. probably more.. an apartment here costs about 250 000.. i know.. its crazy, but i'll figure something out . i have to.. i feel like i belong here.

so tomorrow i'm so not ready to wake up at 4:00 am, to go to the airport, to get on a plane and leave.. i'm trying to convince my mom and dad to stay until sunday.. my mom's cousin is having a b-day party saturday, and i really wanna go... oh well..
when i get home, i'm gonna post my schedule for gr 12.. see if we have any classes together...
i'll see you all later!!! some of you sunday(yes my parents say we have to go to church) and some of you during the week, hopefully.. bye!

Thursday: Driving, Driving, and more Driving

not that i'm complaining or anything... we drove from belgium to what felt like all over southern holland.. which was cool.. we saw the delta works, eventually, which was neat, but not all that its hyped up to be.. at least the part we went to.. my mom's uncle made sure we were on our way, and we followed him all the way to zeeland, to make sure we didn't get lost. i don't think he understood the concept of a gps.. every 10 minutes or so, he would pull over(on a highway) and give us a history lesson; so a trip that would have taken 15 minutes, took 1 hour... and you'll never guess what happened.. we were driving, you know, going 80 km/h on a 120 km/ hour highway.. got off, got to a roundabout.. aannd he stops.. yep, right in the middle of a roundabout... if that's not dangerous, i don't know what is :P so after my mom convinced him that we could find our own way(hehe) we went to middleburg.. i don't know if you've heard of it, but its a little island, right before the deltaworks.. it was amazing.. beautiful scenery and old, old, old buildings... lots of shopping.. one of the things i love about the netherlands, is that all the towns have a centrum where all the stores are located.. not like in canada where you have to drive all over the place.. its peaceful here and you can find a bakery pretty much anywhere.. i love it. you can get a fresh crossant, or a fresh cookie, for cheap... so here's a story for ya... so i go into this bakery. and i see on the menu: boderkoek. you know what boderkoek is, right?? so i think "yumm.. i have to get some of that."and i ask for it, the lady smiles at me, and gives me a crossant.. yep.. i say "no i wanted boderkoek.." in the nicest possible way, and she's like, ÿes, yes, this is boderkoek.. that will be .84 cents.." i don't really know what she was thinking, but i just paid for it and was on my way... if boderkoek is a crossant, what is boderkoek???? haha.. and that's my interesting story...
so then we went and drove through all these little towns, that all looked the same, but different, you know?? and we ended up in brielle,again, where my opa langendoen grew up.. so we looked around.. and then we sat down for supper at this amazing restaurant.. no joke.. it was fabulous.. sitting outside, eating bitterballen(round croquettes) then gettting the best tomato soup i've ever had.. it was great...
so we were gonna stay in a hotel somewhere thursday night, but i convinced my mom to go straight to noordwijk.. so that's what we did. we got all our things inside, and it was about 8:00.. we sat outside; me and erika went to the beach(it took us a while.. who knew.. the beach is pretty much on half the country, and we couldn't find it.. :) then we got back around 10:00 and went to bed.. we weren't really tired so me and erika played i spy in the dark.. not very easy, i tell ya...
and that was our day thursday :P

Tuesday & Wednesday: Belgium

so we're in belgium... it was about a 2 hour drive to my moms aunt and uncles house.. and it is big... very very nice inside.. i'm afraid to touch anything because its all antiques. we went to antwerpen, lier and mechelen today. antwerpen was a dissappointment.. that and we got lost :P go figure :) there was sooo much construction, you couldnt get anywhere. mechelen and leir were really nice though. had lots of fun.. bought some real belgian chocolate :P and don't worry, you all get some :D tomorrow we leave here and head to umm.. not sure, but we have a hotel booked so we'll see... then we go to noordwjk again!! can't wait.. that was probably my favourite place so far.. but i have to go.. see you later!!

Monday: The Capital City

yep.. today, we finally went to Amsterdam.. wow. it was so incredibly busy, and tanja said that it was very umm... well.. not busy; can't remember how she said it.. we walked to the train station from their house, hopped on a train and landed in amsterdam.. we walked through many a souvenier shops and said we would buy everything on the way back.. and i made sure that they were all gonna still be open :P we went on a little tour boat through all the canals and saw the city from the boat view... we stopped for koffie and thee, lunch and then were on our way.. it was a lot of walking, but it was worth it. when we got back around 4, we went to the beach; it wasn't very warm and the water was freezing, but it was fun. we went to a restaurant on the beach, and the food was amazing. i think i've had more krokets in the last 2 weeks then i've had all my life.. no joke.. the only words we understand on the menu are kroket, patats(french fries) and cola.. yup. .but we're getting better :P then we went to get icecream at a really nice icecream shop.. i got ferrero rocher icecream.. it was fabulous... and now, here i am.. everyone telling me to get off the computer :)
tomorrow morning, we are heading to belguim for a couple days.. we aren't going back to ruinen anymore; it was a bit sad, but i got over it pretty quick.. so we are staying at my mom's oom and tante's house.. it supposedly pretty big, so we'll see.. i'm super excited.. chocolate shops, here i come :D then on thursday morning, we are heading back to noordwijk and staying there till we leave super early saturday morning.. we have to get up at 4:00?? yep... should be a blast.. :)

Sunday: Haarlem

so on sunday, we left around 12 for my moms cousin, tanja's house.. we got there around 2, and then went for a walk around Haarlem. it's a old, beautiful city.. i recommend it for anyone planning to go to Holland in the future :) then we just chilled at thier house.. and went to bed around 10:00.. so not a real exciting day at all...